


Eren in the Dark

by The_Fluffy_Prince



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blind Character, Blind Eren Yeager, Bottom Eren Yeager, M/M, POV Alternating, Seme Levi, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Uke Eren Yeager, god im horrible, poor eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 03:08:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2452514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fluffy_Prince/pseuds/The_Fluffy_Prince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Eren discovers he can't see and thinks it should be fine as long as he is still alive. He tries to conceal his new impairment to no avail. However, they find out this blindness runs deeper than just his eyes.</p><p>*based on doujinshi Arthur in the Dark*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eren in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> (sorry terrible summary)
> 
> I'm going for a sad fic.
> 
> Edit: sorry I didn't credit it before it was late and all I wanted go do was post it. Thanks for telling me. It's a based/inspired on a hetalia doujinshi, arthur in the dark. With my twist.

 

 

When I woke up that morning,

it was dark.

 

 

I thought it was still night, so I went back to sleep. When I awoke a second time, it was still dark. Though I didn't really understand. Maybe the night was long tonight? My cell at night was always pitch black... but then again, there was always the pale light from the moon or the yellow glows of the torches in the halls.

I heard a chirping. Birds don't usually chirp at night, do they?

I touched my eyes.

_Oh_

They were open.

It didn't affect me like I thought it would. _I can't see_ , I'd thought. I'd sat there with my sheets pooled around my waist. My head turned to where the sun streaming in through the window would be. I'd stared blankly, no matter where I turned, my eyes opened or closed, it was only darkness.

Wait- it's morning?

I'm late for training!

It was more difficult than I thought. Getting dressed, putting on the harnesses and belts without seeing. It...it didn't matter, I wouldn't let it get to me, I would just try to continue, I would pretend I was the same- normal.

Somehow, I put on the belts and my clothes on. I really hope I put my pants on the right way... I got onto my knees, crawling as I tried to find my boots. My arms extended, patting the cold, stone ground, fingers reaching, my eyes wide and searching yet unseeing. Were they under my bed? Ah, found them!

I put them on easily enough and stood up, finding the swords was a little tricky and my fingers were inevitably cut by the sharp metal. When I found them, though, I sheathed them carefully.

I hobble over to the exit of the cell with my arms stretched out in front of me. I finally touch the metal bars and open it. Okay, now I was in the hallway. Now all I have to do is head up the stairs and hopefully everyone is still at breakfast. I have no idea what time it is.

I feel like an old man, having to use the walls as a guide and support, feet taking careful steps. Even though my eyes were useless, they were still wide open, as if they were trying to adjust to the darkness. Force of habit, I guess....

The stone walls were cold under my fingertips. I try to memorize every crack, every crevice. Going up the stairs was a little hard, I knew one slip up and I would tumble down the hard, stone and split open my head. What a funny way to go, huh?

Once at the top, I was panting. Now just go to the left, and that's where everyone will be eating. I walked down the corridor, my steps not as confident as they'd normally be.

> "Jaeger!" I think I jump like 10 feet in the air. I clutch my racing heartbeat and turn around, trying to locate the voice with my blank eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" I'm not really sure this is...

 

> "U-um..." I scratch the back of my head sheepishly, smiling nervously. I hear the impatient tapping of his boots.
> 
> "You missed breakfast. Everyone's outside training."
> 
> "Oh, sorry, then I'll go find them." I salute at where I think he's standing.
> 
> "Che... why are you late, anyways?"
> 
> Think fast, think fast! "I ...uh overslept, sir." Well, it wasn't a lie..
> 
> "Right.." I could practically hear the roll of his eyes. The clacking of his boots indicated his departure.

Outside? Which way do I go again?

 

xxx

 

It took about 20 minutes, the castle corridors were a maze in disguise. I might've bumped into several people and gotten scrapes by accidentally tripping....

But, it didn't matter since I finally made it outside. I ended up following two soldiers that were going to tend to the horses and that was close to the training area. It felt like I was walking in darkness for hours, my eyes and legs tired, my mind constantly thinking it was night. I couldn't even tell the difference of the musty, castle walls, to the sunny, outside.

Well that was kind of a lie, the air was different, smelled fresher. Of grass and the perfume of flowers. The slight scent of horse manure, the sweat of those training. There was a rustle of leaves and I stood still, entranced. I felt alone, my ears assaulted by the breeze and the trees swaying. I imagined I stood on a hill of purple flowers, alone, the petals whispering.

I blink out of my stupor as my name is called.

> "Eren! Come on, you're late!" Jean.
> 
> "Okay!" I call to wherever he was.

But I don't move, just tilt my head up to the sky. The sun is warm. I can almost feel the brightness against my eyelids. To think I won't see the sun again..

xxx

 

> "Why weren't you at breakfast this morning?" Ah, Mikasa. I could hear the worry and concern in her voice.

This is the hard part, trying to look her in the eyes and tell her I'm fine. Except where are her eyes?

> "Mikasa," I turn to her voice and raise my head a bit, hoping I was at least looking at her face. "I'm fine, I just overslept." I could hear others around us training with their own partners, the punches and kicks collide with their bodies.
> 
> "Figures." Jean says, I felt his prescence next to me. He smells funny. Like hay.
> 
> I ignore him."Don't you have training, Mikasa?" I say.

She turns and hesitates, as if to talk to me before her partner calls out to her.

> "Heyyyy Mikasaaa!" Sasha whines, restless.

I breathe out a sigh of relief as I hear her boots walk away in the grass.

> "Now, hurry up and fight me. It's hand to hand combat." I hear the smirk in Jean's voice.
> 
> I wear a smirk of my own, "You're on."

 

xxx

 

After horribly losing to Jean time after time, I find myself on my back, winded and staring at nothing.

Fuck

> "Don't be a sore loser and grab my hand."

Right, his hand, where is it? I try to inconspicously wave my hand in front of me. It hits Jean's palm. I grab it and he heaves me up on my feet. I brush off the dirt. It was horrible, I couldn't see where Jean was at all, even just by hearing his footsteps and voice, it was like finding a needle in a haystack. At night. I tried punching his stomach, grabbing his leg- anything. But it was all easily blocked or he would just twist my wrist and flip me on to my back.

> "You're not usually this bad." I knew it was his way of asking 'what's wrong'. Jean and I had formed a frenemy friendship. We were still rivals but that was more of a game now.
> 
> "Just... just tired." I pant out.
> 
> "Tired?" He says in disbelief, "When are you-"
> 
> "Guys, we're going to ride the horses and test our endurance. Captain Levi should be leading us." a new voice informs us, startling me. Bless whoever interrupted Jean. Who was that again? And when did they get here?
> 
> "Yeah, yeah, Connie, we're going." Jean sighs, apparently forgetting what he was going to say to me.
> 
> "Oh, it's Connie!" I say aloud by accident, nearly snapping my fingers.
> 
> "Um. Yeah?" Connie chuckles, confused.

Oops, now he thinks I'm crazy.

> I shake my head side to side furiously, "No it's okay, let's just go to the stables."

I honestly just want him to walk so I could follow his footsteps.

> There was a beat of silence. "You okay, man? You're all dirty."
> 
> Jean shoves my arm, "Nah, he just took one hell of a beating from me." Oh great, now he got an ego boost.
> 
> "Ah, I see. That's new." Connie says curiously.
> 
> "W-what!? What's that supposed to mean!" I smile.
> 
> "Shut up Jean, just lead us to your people."
> 
> "What!" Connie guffaws, slapping his knees. Good ol' Connie.
> 
> "He means the horses-"
> 
> "I _know_ he means the horses, dumbass." Jean grumbles angrily, Connie just snickers.

I follow the sound of their banter. Yeah, just keep it normal. The rustles of the leaves threaten to deafen me as well. The whispers of petals against the breeze.

And maybe they won't notice.

 

 

xxx

 

The horse riding endurance was a failure. A complete and utter fail.

 

For me anyways.

First off, it was struggle just getting on the damn horse. Seriously, I have no idea how I got on that thing, or how I didn't fall off. The horse trainer was probably really confused, of course my friends thought I was being the class clown.

Second, I was in the wayyy back, all the way in the end.

Thirdly, I didn't know where I was half of the time.

> "Jaeger!" I had heard Captain Levi's faint voice from all the way in front.

Hm? I slowed my horse down, hearing a wet chewing noise. I leaned down to my horse's head, he was eating something. Berries maybe. But berries grew on bushes. That meant I had strayed off the path and my horse was somewhere at the edge of the forest. The endurance was supposed to take place in the open field so there'd be a lot of room for the new recruits to run.

I must've looked ridiculous.

> "What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?" Captain Levi's voice came again, this time closer.

I'd backed up my horse and turned my head both ways, swiveling my head around to locate any sound. Anything, the hooves of horses, the Captain's voice again.

> "Eren?" Armin's voice. Bless him.

I let my horse walk to the voice, one hand on the reins the other outstretched (hopefully inconspicously) until it touched Armin's horse.

> "Do you think you're being funny?" oh shit he was right next to me now.
> 
> "N-no, sir!" I responded, looking straight ahead.
> 
> "Stop playing around and keep up." I heard the snickers of my comrades. "Yes, sir!" the Captain was quiet a moment. Probably because I wasn't looking at him. It would be hard to explain why I wasn't looking at him in the eyes. Fortunately, he just made a 'tch' noise and kicked his horse before he was off. I coughed at the dust cloud he left in his wake.
> 
> Once the Captain was gone, Armin spoke to me, "Eren, why were you doing that?"
> 
> I had laughed it off, heart hammering, "He got hungry!" it was an unsatisfying answer, and Armin was most likely unconvinced. He didn't, however, press for the real answer.

There was a strange silence over us.

The whole endurance ride after that was still just a mess. Maybe even worse. I still ended up in the back, and even if I was somehow in the middle, my horse strayed from the group since I couldn't lead it well. It was like spinning around in a circle and while dizzy, trying to walk straight. You can't and end up leaning to the side. That's what happened to me. I felt like I didn't have any balance, I felt impaired. Naked. I didn't trust myself. A blindfold over my eyes.

And half of the time, the Captain ended up yelling at me to stop fucking around.

Finally, though, we made it back and I was really happy to get off the horse. Unfortunately, I couldn't see the stirrup and my foot slipped and I fell on to the ground. I just laid there as my face got very aqquainted with the ground feeling 100% done. I heard a sigh.

> "Unbelievable." it was Captain Levi who had come over to give me my punishment for 'fucking up the training.'

He didn't bother to help me up, just told me to take care of all the horses that had been ridden today and clean the stables. He probably didn't want to touch any of the dirt now on my clothes. So then I spent the rest of my day in the stables. I'd fucked up a lot of things during my punshiment there. While carrying the bucket of water to give to the horses, I slipped backwards on a rock, and the water splashed all over me. Then while I was brushing the coat of one horse, I'd forgotten I left the fences open and another ran outside. I'd heard the galloping of hooves and the desperate cries of the horse trainer as he tried to chase them back in. I'd tried to help but I was too scared one would trample me if I wasn't careful.

At the end of the day, we managed to get every horse to get back inside and when I asked him if he needed anymore help, he just shooed me away and told me he'd tell Captain I was done.

I felt like bad luck.

And here I am now at sunset (I assume the sun had set since I couldn't feel its warmth), exhausted, my body sore. It was so tiring pretending I was fine. I follow what I thought to be the path that led inside. I get lost a couple times and by then had shut my tired eyes. They were useless anyways, so it wouldn't matter if they were closed. I stumble around the halls until I hear the chatter of what I assume to be the mess hall. With a slightly victorious smile, I walk in.

It's really when I notice how lost I feel. An outsider in a sea of voices.

Where are my friends? I didn't know who was looking at me and I felt exposed, vulnerable. How strange would I look walking around with unsteady steps?

> "Eren!" Mikasa.

I breathe a sigh of relief, my tense shoulders ease. They're in the back as usual. I follow the sound of her voice and lightly touch her back to make sure it was her. I feel a free seat next to her and sit down. I sigh as I sit for the first time all day and let my legs take a break.

> "I got you dinner."

I hear the slide of the tray and smell the warm food. I feel the tray and feel around for a fork. Mikasa is quiet before she slides me a fork. She is no doubt looking at me in concern.

_Shit_

I grab it and try to act like I'm not blind. Hopefully she didn't pick up on anything suspicious.

I smell my food. Potatoes, bread, meat. I couldn't tell what meat, maybe chicken. It's then I realize how hungry I am, I didn't have breakfast or lunch. I try not to devour it but... I do anyways. Through my meal, I remembered to breathe and slow down my eating. I deserve a medal or something.

> "..I'm so glad its potatoes tonight."
> 
> "That's so _you_ , Sasha."

I feel someone sit on the other side of me and I tense. They lean in close and ignore the conversations around us.

> "So you're alive." It was Armin.

I hear him setting a tray of his own down.

> "Of course I am." I say, biting my bread without turning my head to him, pretending fake hurt.
> 
> "You've been acting really funny today..." came his thoughtful voice.

The bread froze in my mouth. I swallow the bread that now taste like ashes.

> "L-Like how?"

I know how, I just hope I wasn't being as obvious as I thought I was. I could hear the clacking of his fork as he ate.

> "Well, this morning you missed breakfast." Mikasa answers instead.
> 
> I turn my face in her direction. "I told you I just overslept."

I hear the rustle of fabric and didn't have to guess she was pulling her scarf over her nose.

> "Yes, but, why did you oversleep? This doesn't usually happen. Are you unwell?"

My fork twitches in my hand.

> "I'm fine Mikasa! I'm just a little tired." I grumble.
> 
> She's quiet. "I'm worried."
> 
> "You don't have to be so worried all the time then!"

I know I was being mean, but what if she found out? The fork in my hand shook in nervousness, my mouth running in fear. I was evading her, and she knew it.

> She falters, continuing despite my denial, "This.. this morning. You and Jean were training and you didn't fight well. It almost seemed like... you were attacking blindly." her own words confused her as she mused aloud.

I flinch at the word 'blindly'.

Dammit, who else saw that fight? Was it as awful as it felt?

> "Maybe, I just let Jean win." I snap.

I would never, but she didn't have to know that.

> "That's hard to believe," Damn you Armin! "But don't forget at the horse endurance ride. It looked like you were fooling around. Like you didn't know how to ride a horse." I could practically feel their stares on me.
> 
> "Well I.." Armin cut me off before I could even form a good enough excuse.
> 
> "Then you fell off the horse, flat on your face."
> 
> "H-how do you know that!?" I turn to him, my eyes wide as they stare at where I think his face is, accidentally leaning really close to him.
> 
> I jump lightly as I feel a tap on my nose, "Your nose is still a bit dirty." there's a smile in his voice.
> 
> "You stayed the whole afternoon at the stables. It's all that shorty's fault. I bet you're tired, aren't you? You also missed lunch, do you want my bread?" I felt Mikasa's face close to mine.
> 
> "What?! Mikasa, you traitor! Why would you give it to _him_? I obviously deserve it more!" I hear Sasha's voice and secretly thank her for her distraction. It let me take a breather from my friends' questions.
> 
> Connie sighs, "Sasha I think you've had enough."
> 
> "Yeah, you already took mine!" Reiner groans.
> 
> "How is this enough?" she says in utter disbelief.
> 
> "Because you'll get fat." Connie says pointedly and they both engage in playful banter that I zone out to.
> 
> "Hey..."

I wonder if I can just slip out and head to my cell.

> "Hey, Eren."

It scares me, will each day be this difficult?

> "Eren!"
> 
> My head snaps up, across from me. "What." I ask. It's Jean, if that annoying voice is anthing to go by.
> 
> "You've been staring at me this whole time and you haven't blinked once."

There is a strange silence. I feel like a kid who's been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

> "It's kind of creepy actually."

I forgot to blink.

Fuck, I need to be more careful around people. I have to blink. It's like forgetting to breathe. It's ridiculous and frustrating. Leave it to the horse to get everyone's attention on you. I feel everyone's questioning stares at me.

I need to get away from my friends.

I felt like an outsider, I couldn't see their faces as they laughed, as they smiled and talked. I couldn't see Mikasa or Armin. I missed they way their eyes lit up with joy. The sun that hit Armin's blond hair. The tenderness in Mikasa's narrowed eyes.

It hurt. This is what I was trying to avoid. I needed to run away before they found out.

> "There's one other thing.." Armin says, halting me.

It got everyone's attention and they stopped talking. A piercing silence. A seriousness they didn't understand. "You haven't looked me in the eye once."

I freeze, my veins ice. The breath hitches in my throat.

> "I...I have to go." I stand up and turn to go. But there's a hand on my arm.
> 
> "Where are you going?" Mikasa.
> 
> "Let me go!"
> 
> "Eren..."

I rip my arm away from her, like its burnt, and run. I stumble a lot, and I probably look drunk as I hit the corners of tables. I can imagine the concerned expressions, the worry, the confusion. I somehow make it to the hall again, catching my breath as lean my weight on to the wall.

What if Armin finds out?

He's so smart, he'll figure it out sooner or later. He didn't have to know about this. This was my burden. I would get through this. If anyone found out, what would happen to me? I blink away the tears.

It didn't matter, right? I was still alive, breathing, I was still- Normal.

A human titan shifter. A blind human titan shifter.

Normal, right?

It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Yeah. So I just had to suck it up and get to my cell. Right. Where was I again? Which way... hm.

> "Oi, Eren." a deep voice suddenly in front of me.

Captain Levi.

I immediately fist my hands in a salute. I didn't hear footsteps and I mentally slap myself, I have to be more careful. With the way I am now, I have to rely on my hearing and scent.

> "You planning to bump into me, brat?"
> 
> "What?" I say dumbly.

I hear him sigh irritably. "I'm right in front of you, a couple more steps and you would've bumped into me."

> "Y-yes. I'm sorry, sir."

I face where his voice is coming from. It becomes quiet. I think maybe he's probably sizing me up with an intense glare. My clothes are still dirty.

I hear the click of his boots as he takes a step closer to me.

> "Eren."
> 
> "Yes, sir?"
> 
> "Where are you looking?" I blink.

Oh shit.

It wasn't a secret that the Captain was short and here I was looking about a head above him. But I can't see and just guessing based on his voice is hard. I lower my gaze and hope I'm looking at his face or something. I hope there weren't any tears on my face.

> "Eren." he says again.

 

> "Yes, sir?" my heart hammering in my chest.

The air is tense. The fire on the torches crackles on the walls.

> "There is something wrong with you, isn't there." it wasn't a question.

Air drained from my lungs and I felt my heart stop. His voice was ice, bored almost. Piercing even through the dark glaze of my blank eyes. I could still imagine the narrowed, silver eyes as he glares at me. Did he know?

He figured it out quicker than Mikasa.

Than _Armin_.

My fingers trembled, my lip in between my teeth nervously. Was I too obvious today? What would he do with me if he found out? Would he turn me in? My eyes squeezed shut. No, no.. I didn't want that. I was still useful, I could still fight titans. I'd find a way! Somehow...

> "Nothing is wrong, sir." I say in a steady voice that surprises me.
> 
> "You've been acting weird this whole day-"
> 
> "No! I-I'm okay, really." I say, my lip quivering in the hold my teeth had. I want to leave already. Hide in the rough sheets of my bed. During sleep I didn't need to pretend. I could cling to my memories there.
> 
> "Don't interrupt me," he grits out, "I've been watching you."

I turn to him, scared eyes wide and unblinking.

> "You stumble around like you're drunk. Fuck shit up like you can't see anything in front of you." I flinch at his words. "Are you sick?"

I turn away. Mikasa had asked the same thing.

> "No.." I say softly.
> 
> "When you were cleaning the horses, you let them all out, didn't you?"

Fuck you, horsetrainer.

> "Yes, sir.." my head hangs in shame.
> 
> "What the hell were you thinking?" a scowl in his voice.
> 
> "It-it was an accident."
> 
> He scoffs, "Well accident or not, you're going to have to make it up again."

_Again_ , are you serious?! I'm ready to just fall asleep already...

The horror must've showed on my face since he spoke up again.

> "You'll clean the mess hall and wash the dishes tonight." he waits for an answer, no doubt an eyebrow raised pointedly.
> 
> "Yes, sir." I mumble tiredly.

Quicker I begin, quicker I leave.

> He moves. "I'll check on you later." I feel him walk past me, "And Eren?"

I turn slightly to his voice.

> "Look at me when I speak to you."

And with that, he's gone.

I sigh and lean against the wall.

I wish I could.

 

xxx

 

Chairs were being pushed in, people were getting up and walking out. Plates clinked as they put them in the sink. I hear as people exit, signalling to me that they were done.

> "Hm? Why are you still here? I thought you left after your hissyfit." Ugh, _Jean_.
> 
> I sigh, "I have to wash the dishes." I say, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
> 
> He snorts, like the horse he is. "Have fun with that." he leaves, thank god.

My friends file out one by one after that. All asking me similar questions, all responded with similar answers.

> "Why?" Mikasa asks.
> 
> I don't face her, "Because Levi said so." I answer simply.
> 
> I could imagine the glare she was giving. "That shrimp..." she mutters, probably thinking of several different ways to kill him.
> 
> "It's not a big deal, just go to sleep. I can handle it." I think...
> 
> "C'mon, Mikasa." Armin says, dragging her away. I could feel his eyes on me. "I'll see you tomorrow Eren."

I appreciate him not bringing up my little outburst at dinner. I'm not sure I could answer him anyways.

> "Yeah."

After them, the last person walks out and the mess hall was empty. I breathe out a sigh. Well, it's now or never. Now where's that damn broom?

 

xxx

 

After running around and sweeping the whole room twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything, I stumbled into the kitchen. There, I felt a bucket of water for cleaning the dishes. But before I could wash dishes, I needed to wipe down the tables. So I found a rag and dipped it in the water. Finding the tables was a little hard, and so was making sure they were clean. Somehow I knew it wasn't going to be to the Captain's taste...

I spent about two hours scrubbing the wooden tables. I was tired, but I couldn't tell what time it was. How much time really went by. If the sky outside was really dark like I imagined. Was it, I wonder, as pitch black as how I see now?

Since no one was there with me, I could stretch my arms out and feel my way without being suspicous. I walked into the kitchen again, feeling for the bucket of water. At least everyone was nice enough to put their dirty dishes in there.

And here I was now, sleeves rolled up, holding the rag, bubbly with soap, as I scrub the plates and utensils. I'm doing pretty well, I think. It's a meticulous task. Take a plate, clean it, dry it, put it in a pile, repeat. It's easy to go on autopilot after awhile and lose myself in my thoughts.

I smile, shaking my head. Armin was on to me.

Of course he was.

My thoughts stray.

Guess I'll never get to read those books Armin always told me read. Never see Sasha stuffing her face and Connie telling her to slow down with an annoyed yet amused expression. Mikasa's rare, gentle smiles. The way Reiner always tips his head back and laughs heartily. When Christa's eyes well with tears if someone gets hurt and the caring glint Ymir gives her. Captain Levi's nod as he gives his silent praises.

These little things I took for granted spear my heart.

There was happiness despite the ugly. Beneath the blood, there was life. Even at death, the crystal rain came to wash it away. Through the pain, everyone fought. Fought for moments that made it worth living. But I couldn't see it anymore. Night was beautiful because even the crickets hushed to gaze at the twinkling, white stars. It was never really dark. Here it is always dark.

Thoughts are dangerous. Time is ruthless in my mind. They take me back to when I took brightness for granted. Even so, wasn't it just yesterday I could see the pink sky as the sun rised?

I try to suppress my thoughts.

My hands swim in the dirty, empty bucket of water. I don't notice it's empty until I can't find another plate. I wipe my wet fingertips on my pants and try to find cabinets. Now which cabinet did the plates go in? I search blindly. I have no idea where it could be, I've never been in here before. Half an hour later, I'm still waddling around and feeling for the right cabinet. It had to be an empty one to fit all these plates, but they were all full with cups, pots and pans.

I reach in front of me, frustrated. I had to get on my tippy toes for this one. Have I even checked this one? I grab the handle and grin victoriously. I open it and I curse Jean a thousand times. It wasn't his fault at all, but he was easy to blame.

Powder.

Powder is what I feel.

It fell from the cabinet, spilling on to me. In my mouth, my face, my eyes.

> "W-What the!?" I exclaim in shock.

I cough and rub the powder in my eyes. It smelled like flour. Who the hell puts flour on the top cabinet?? I cough louder backing up harshly and hitting the bucket of water. I feel the bucket tipping over from my weight until it splashes me on my chin and neck and the floor. I gasp at the cold water and stumble around on the slippery floor, stretching my hands out to grasp at something, anything. I fall forward, managing to clutch on to the counter, but that's where the piles of plates I had placed and I grab those instead, bringing them down with me as I fell on my hands and knees on the puddle of water.

I cringe as plates fall around me, noisily breaking into pieces. I feel sharp shards cut into my palms and cheeks as I lay there, fumbling in the wet flour.

I just ruined everything.

I don't know how long I lay there, listening to the sound of my breathing, cursing myself for fucking up, for not being able to _see_.

There are hurried footsteps getting closer. I pay them no mind until they are right in front of me. Boots squeak on the wet floor.

> "That's fucking it."

I feel a strong hand grab my arm and heave me up. He drags me out of the kitchen and into the hall. I could feel the wet flour hardening uncomfortably on my hair and clothes.

> "Wait! W-where are we going?" I say, breathless.

We haven't stopped and I have to basically run to not be left physically dragged.

> "Hanji. I've had enough of this shit." Captain Levi snaps. I wince at his tone.
> 
> "I can clean the mess." I begin helplessly.
> 
> "The room was dark." I'm confused., not expecting that.
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "The lantern had died out. You were cleaning in the dark, you fucking idiot."

I didn't know that. How was I going to explain that? I shut my mouth and kept my head hung low as I am pulled.

> "I'm sorry I broke the plates, sir.." I say softly, embarrassed.
> 
> "Something is definitely wrong with you and you're going to tell us."

No more words were exchanged after that and I was slightly happy Captain Levi was pulling me around because I have no idea where Hanji's room is or how I would even get there considering his brisk pace.

Finally, after what felt like ages, we make it to Hanji's room. Captain Levi practically throws me in, probably disgusted with the sticky flour that clung to my body.

> "Gross." he mutters.

I hear a rustle of fabric as he no doubt wipes his hands clean. Yup, I was right.

I stand in what I think to be the doorway nervously. Hanji is going to be checking me. I squeeze my eyes shut. They'll find out. I'll be thrown away. Even after all I've went through to get here, what my friends have been through. To earn my wings.

> "Levi!" Hanji's voice squeals. "You didn't have to bust the door down you know. You could've knocked." Hanji stands up from what I think to be a desk.
> 
> Captain Levi walks in past me to Hanji, "You would've taken a long time to open the door, too busy with your shitty experiments." he scoffs, "Anyways. This is important." he's quiet, probably motioning at me.
> 
> "Oh! Hi Eren! I didn't see you there."
> 
> I toe the floor nervously, "Hi Hanji.." I say quietly. "Wait a sec, why you drenched? And what are those white things on you?" they ask curiously.
> 
> Levi sighs, "Fucking flour." I don't say anthing, "He managed to break every damn plate and spill the whole flour bag. We'll have to get a new one. And the tables are still dirty."

Hanji hums in acknowledgement. My cheeks heat in shame.

> "No wonder you look funny." There's a grin in their voice, "But, why are you telling me that?"
> 
> "Because he's been acting strange all day and I think he's sick or something."
> 
> This piqued Hanji's interest. "I _see_." I'm almost glad I can't see the scary glint that is no doubt, in their eyes. Hanji grabs my arm and flings me inside. The door closes behind me, "Okay, now I'm interested! Eren, why don't you go sit over there?"

I don't know where 'there' is, but I stumble forward, my fingers searching, and hope for the best. My fingers make contact with a chair and I sit in it. I sit tensely, my back rigid. My heartbeat hammers in my chest like drums. Captain Levi is quiet near the wall.

 _They'll find out,_ a silent mantra beats my mind.

> "Now, Eren, what's wrong?"

There is a beat of silence as my fingers form fists on my knees. Tears well up in my eyes without my permission as I stare blankly at nothing. The swirling darkness consumes me. I feel small, as I'm swallowed, smaller, and smaller, until there is nothing.

The chirping of awakening birds, the yawn of the sun. What time is it?

> "Oi brat. Answer." a deep voice rattles me.

Answer? _What is wrong?_

I can still smell the violet flowers, hear the rustles of leaves as the wind sweeps through, the voices of my friends. I'm still alive, I can still fight. But my eyes are bandaged, white tape covering them. They are sewn shut. I'm drowning. Furthur and furthur, never reaching the bottom.

Where is the light?

They drip from my eyes like stars.

Tears? I'm crying? They hit my hands.

> "I.." I begin, my throat closing, my voice shaking. _What's wrong?_ My gaze is blank, wide and unseeing.

 

> "I can't see..." I whisper out.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any typos, errors, mistakes
> 
> i listened to a bunch of sad ost lol


End file.
